ive been in love before
it doesn't change anything about me
and i still end up ruining it in the end
and its not to say i don't want to love and be happy
i envy people who can
but even if i catch a glimpse of it when i see my reflection in my lovers eye i still push it away
i don't know what it is
but you don't want to try to show me life
because i will bring yours down
you cant save me like in your fantasies
im unfixable
just because i'm shy doesn't mean i'm a nice person
i'm shy because i don't think you'll like me
you don't really know me
i don't think anyone truly does
because its so easy to keep it all to yourself
no one really cares
sometimes i feel like talking
its rare

but nothing really makes a difference or matters
we pretend like they do
so that we can have purpose
but its only to make ourselves feel worth
there are no rules
there is no precedent
there is no knowledge
if i die today, nothing changes

and i'm constantly entertaining the idea of death
like being on a date with a woman you're not sure you want to fuck
but you're there anyway to keep your investments secure
not sure of much really, maybe you'll just be friends
but either way you like whatever feeling you're getting out of it
the only problem is that you cant control when it comes
you're not always asking and willing, sometimes it becomes a curse
that you have to playfully manage, or sever off
or sometimes you just want to give in, and say fuck it all
its hard to keep death happy with the progress of your life
but without the sun there is no rain